Conversation with a Committed Gay Male.....Taking the 10 Day Challenge

I recently had a conversation with a guy who was committed to being gay. So I thought I would ask him a few questions to see why he made that commitment.

Here is how it went.



Q: Are you gay?

A: Yes



Q: Why did you choose to be gay?

A: I didn't choose to be gay, I was born gay.



Q: What do you mean, born gay? How are you born gay?

A: I was attracted to men since I was 7 years old?



Q: But children before puberty are not sexual, so how were you 'sexually' attracted to men at the age of 7?

A: Well, I met that I was always attracted to men since I can remember.



Q: OK, so you were 'attracted to men, but you can't say you were always 'sexually' attracted to men, right?

A: Right, but I am sexually attracted to men.



Q: Are you sexually attracted to all men?

A: I like masculine men with nice bodies, that's just what I like.



Q: So you are not attracted to men like yourself?

A: Yes, I said masculine men, but maybe more built than I am.



Q: Do you date men often?

A: Not too many guys want to date, they just want to have sex and then you don't see them again?



Q: So do you have sex with guys instead of dates?

A: Well, most of the time. Thats really all that happens. Sometimes we become friends for a while, but mostly it's about the hook-up.



Q: Do you want to actually date other guys?

A: Yes, but the guys I want to date, don't want to date. They want to have sex.



Q: Do you look at porn or go to gay sex sites?

A: Yes, porn is my date most of the time, and the gay sex sites is where I meet most of the guys I try to date.



Q: But you never really have a date, just a sex hook-up, right?

A: Right.



Q: Do you masturbate much?

A: A couple times a day. I am always horny.



Q: So what do you think about when masturbating?

A: Those hot masculine muscular guys I like.



Q: Are these the same masculine and more muscular guys in the porn and that you find on the gay sex sites you see all the time?

A: Yes. Those are the guys I like.



Q: So how many times do you think you masturbate thinking about those guys?

A: About 15 to 20 times a week

Q: So how much time do you think you spend watching porn or on line at sex sites?

A: Oh wow....about 3 or 4 hours a most nights.

Q: That's about 20 hours a week.

A: Wow, yeah, I guess it is. Wow, never thought about it that way.

Q: What do you do for fun?

A: I work out 3 days a week, watch movies, go to the park, go out to eat, and go to the clubs every once in a while. I don't really like the clubs, but I go when I get bored or with a friend.





Q: So do you have many friends, or guys you would call friends?


A: Well, maybe one, but most of the guys I know are acquaintances.





Q: Is it hard for you to make friends?


A: Well, most gay guys only want to be your friend, if you are someone they want to have sex with.





Q: Is that what you do?


A: Not all the time, but I guess so since I don't have anything in common with feminine guys, so I just look for the masculine guys who are athletic.





Q: So is it just wanting to have sex with other guys, what makes you gay?


A: Well, I am attracted to men more than I am attracted to women.





Q: So you are attracted to women?


A: I dated girls a while back, but haven't dated a women in years.





Q: So what made you stop dating women and choose to date only men?


A: I was just more attracted to other men.





Q: Masculine and more muscular men


A: Yeah, because that's what I like.





Q: So do you think all the masturbation, like 20 times a week, to those more masculine and more muscular body images had anything to do with you becoming more attracted to men than women?


A: Interesting....well, that could have something to do with it.





Q: Plus over 20 yours of gay porn on top of that?


A: I never thought about it that way. I guess that is kind of alot of masturbating and porn.





Q: Now I am not saying you were never attracted to other men, but do you think all the porn and masturbation helped you feel like you were more attracted to other men? Or more specifically masculine men with more muscular bodies than your own?


A: That's something I need to think about. But that's what it sounds like.

Q: Would you like to be able to have a stable relationship with a man or women, if you found someone you were compatable with?

A: Well never thought about having another relationship with a women, but I would like to be able to have something stable with another guy not so focused on sex.

Q: OK, I understand. Most guys don't really think about 'why' they do things sexually, they just take the easiest path to the orgasm.


A: That's what it's all about.





Q: So now let me ask you, were you born sexually attracted to men?


A: Well, I know I was born attracted to men, but I don't really know when I became sexually attracted to men.





Q: Do you think it could have something to do with all the porn, gay sex sites and masturbation.


A: Now that's funny, because now I just don't know. It's like did the chicken come before the egg.





Q: Exactly. Or like not being able to see the forest for the trees. You have been so focused on the porn and masturbation so long, you forget that this wasn't how you always felt.


A: Yeah, you just get stuck in a pattern, doing what you did because it felt good.





Q: Do you want to try an experiment with yourself?


A: It all depends on what it is.





Q: Go 10 Days without any porn, sex sites, no gym, no mens workout magazines, no masturbating to see if you can do it, and then to see how you really feel about your intense sexual attraction for masculine and more muscular men after that. Think you can do it?


A: I can do that, but I know it's gonna be hard to stop masturbating cold turkey, but I can give it a try.





Q: OK, just go to my blog: http://underthegayumbrella.blogspot.com/ and look in the archive for the post "10 Day Sex Detox Challenge". Read over the post and follow the 10 rules of the challenge. Then post your results on that blog posted during the 10 days, or when you are done.


A: OK, I can do that, but don't know about putting my stuff on the web





Q: Oh, you can post anonymously, and give as much detail as you want, maybe what day you are on, and how you are feeling about the challenge and yourself along the way.


A: That's cool, I can do that.





Q: Alright guy, so when are you gonna start.....tomorrow?


A: Well, I guess tomorrow is as good as any day.





Q: Alright then, good luck!


A: Thanks man...

What If Gay Was Not An Option?

For many Biologically Intersex/bisexual males, hiding under the gay umbrella has become their identity. But what if the 'term' gay never existed, who would they be?

In an effort to create an 'identity' many males who feel disconnected from our society for one reason or another, choose to identity as 'gay'. Understanding that no person can be born gay, since gay is only a term that relates to a group.

There is no born 'condition' that is associated with the term gay. Even marriage between two of the same gender are called 'same sex marriage'. The only people that recognize the term gay, are those people hiding under the gay umbrella.

Marketers understand the demographic they want to sell products and services to, so they will call you whatever you want to be call, to get you to buy their product or service. It's all about money, and how to get it from your hands, to theirs.

Our media uses the term gay quite freely. Actors, singers and TV personalities will come 'OUT' as gay, to show their support for the gay group. But do understand that these actors, singers and TV personalities are only coming out to 'attract' an audience to whatever media outlet that is looking for 'viewers' or 'consumers' to buy the products they are selling.

So thinking the idea of being 'gay' is 'validated' because you see it in the media or on TV or in print alot, understand that if the gay group was not such an easy target for marketing most any product tied to the stereotype of being gay, the marketers would not put forth the effort.

What may be the most important aspect of this issue is that, if the concept of 'gay' did not exist, who would many of these intersex people be? What will be their identity?

Well, let's look at a few of the true benefits of what being born part of both genders and bisexual can provide a person:

1. He is able to have a better connection to his female aspect, which enables him to communicate with females more effectively, while being able to effectively communication with males. This is why biologically Intersex/bisexual males tend to have many more female friends than non-bisexual males.

3. He is able to connect more effectively with his emotional aspect, male and female, and generally has more empathy for others. This is why biologically Intersex/bisexual males tend to volunteer and come to the aid of people in need more freely than those non-intersex males.

4. He is able to provide nurturing along with maintaining his the strength and logic of the male aspect. This is why you see more biologically Intersex/bisexual males in roles such as religious leaders or Human Resource workers, doctors, nurses, or where the welfare of others is their primary focus.

5. He is able to absorb and process massive amounts of information, through his dual processing associated with both right brain and left brain processing. This is why you see many more biologically Intersex/bisexual males with more higher level advanced degrees than non-bisexual males, and successful business owners, and leaders of industry.

6. He is more creative due to the combination of the visual and spacial ability of the male, along with the ability to see the complex color variations of the female. This is why you see more biologically intersex/bisexual males in creative arts positions in design of products, clothing, homes, interior design, landscaping and software development.

7. He is able to better communicate in writing through his ability to think expansively, and his female aspect for expressive writing. This is why you see biologically Intersex/bisexual males as more authors of books, connoisseur of literature, poetry and music.

8. He is able to articulate his thoughts more effectively through expanded speech abilities from his female aspect. This is why you see more biologically Intersex/bisexual males as speakers, television announcers, radio show hosts, etc.

9. He has the capacity to feel deep emotional love for both males and females. This is why balanced biologically Intersex/bisexual males are able to have committed relationships with either males or females.

The list goes on and on...
This is only a few of the true skills and abilities born of the many men who are born with various levels of the biologically Intersex/bisexual condition. But unfortunately, instead of embracing his advanced natural born abilities, many Intersex males are pulled down by the media driven concepts of 'being gay' and an identity, and lifestyle only based on sex and sexuality.

So the question remains. Who is an Biologically Intersex/bisexual person, if he no longer had 'gay' as an identity?

Well here is the short list....

He is a man.
He is human.
He is a trusted friend.
He has personal character.
He is honest and trustworthy.
He has basic morals and values.
He is able to earn the respect of others.
He is a productive member of our society.
He is a man that has respect for himself in all he does.
He is a man that gains knowledge to empower himself.
He is able to 'love' whoever he loves, regardless of their gender.
He is a man born with the benefit of the mental duality of both male and female genders.

So now the question is, who will you 'choose' to be?

Body Image Obsession....

When you step back and look at the obsession to body image modification that so many Biologically Intersex/bisexual males suffer from, you have to wonder if it's all done on purpose.

Body Dysmorphic Disorder is the condition where a person is obsessed with his/her body image to the point that his/her life is impacted in a negative way.

This is clearly the case with the vast majority of intersex males specifically. Non-intersex males and females get caught up with the disorder also, but a much lower rate. And their obsession with the body image modification in gyms, tends to fade quickly. However for intersex males, there are much deeper reasons why this obsession with body image can become a lifetime disorder.

So what's really happening?
Males are visual creatures. Males also want what they this is bigger or better than something else. He wants the biggest car, the fastest car, the largest flat panel TV, the largest house, etc. But also he wants more muscular and more masculine looking body of other males.

But here is where his conflict begins.
His female aspect is 'naturally' attracted to males with more masculinity than himself, which you should already know if you have read many of the other blogs. However, with his own male aspect essentially being rejected for a more masculine male, he puts his focus on males more muscular and more masculine looking than himself to admire.

However, through his female aspects natural attraction for more masculine males, he begins to masturbate to those more muscular male images. The more he masturbates to those images, the stronger his desire will be to 'obtain' that muscular body image for himself.

Enter the Gym...
Millions of intersex males spend on average 10 to 14 hours a week, inside a gym lifting weights trying to build their body image into the image of another male he admires.

Let's put this into perspective so you understand the impact on a person's life:
- We are awake on average for 16 hours each day,
- 14 hours a week in the gym comes to 56 hours a month.
- Over 3.5 days of awake hours in the gym.
- That's over 40 awake days, over a month each year inside a gym modifying or trying to maintain the abnormal modification of his body image.

The sad part is that he has been convinced that his efforts are all about being 'fit' or healthy. But the truth remains that the BMI scores that identify the overweight and obese, consistently puts these males in the obese category.

Why?? Because your BMI or Body Mass Index does not care about how muscular you are. It's based on your bodies frame, and size of organs, and how efficiently your heart can pump blood and nutrients throughout your bodies tissue.

When a person has a body mass greater than normal for his frame and internal organs, he puts stress on those organs. It doesn't matter if it's mass that consists of body fat or muscle. The hart in particular must pump blood and nutrients though cell of tissue within his body.

The reality is that thousands of obese intersex males die every day of heart related illnesses and organ failure due to their obesity and excessive use of supplements, in their attempt to obtain the body image of another male.

And to top all this off, basic science proves that if a person uses foreign weight or resistance to gain strength or for his body to adapt by growing more muscle mass, within 72 hours of releasing that foreign weight, his body begins it's natural process of releasing that gained strength and muscle mass.

Why? Because your body does not maintain muscle mass it does not need for 'natural' function.
The attempt to fool the very intelligent body is a massively wasted effort, because the intelligent body is much more intelligent than your little brain can comprehend.

So who benefits?
Well, who always benefits from a consumer who buys into what what someone is selling, without giving it much rational thought? The seller..

Gyms are making out like bandits on the backs of intersex males. Billions of dollars in gym fees, special gym clothing, nutritional supplements to help get you bigger, and to keep you going, they even sponsor body building events, where the most obsessive wins a prize.

Still think Intersex males are not the target?
Pick up any men's magazine targeted at the 'gay' community, and you will find the majority of advertisements will be body modification supplements and exercise equipment you can by for home. Watch any of the 'gay' focused cable channels for 15 minutes, and most every commercial break will be selling you a body image through a weight lifting machine, diet pills, or nutritional supplements.

The only ones not aware of what's happening is the millions of intersex males, still trying to 'be' gay and live a gay lifestyle, which requires them to obtain a body image that another male will 'admire' in an attempt to attract him. But he is still rejected, because 'simulated' masculinity through body image modification does not work on the other males female aspect.

She only sees the natural masculinity. It's only the male that sees a body image he admires and wants for himself. The result is a large group of abnormally muscular intersex males who are only attempting to compensate for naturally lower level of masculinity.

How does this impact your relationships?
Besides the intersex males internal conflict, through this process, he creates even more conflict between himself and other intersex males.

By exaggerating the masculinity his female aspect desires, he looks for males who are much more naturally masculine than himself. Why will automatically reject him based on his own natural level of masculinity.

By exaggerating his body image through adding abnormal muscle mas, his male aspect becomes obsessed with a bigger and more detailed desires as it relates to his and another males desired body image. He begins to focus on the other males bicep, calf, shoulder, etc. This obsession never ends on it's own, because there will 'always' be another male with a desired body part.

What he finds is that he will never be able to find another intersex male with the exaggerated masculinity and physical requirements both his female and male aspect now requires. What ends up happening is that when he is lonely or horny, he will lower his standards and masturbate with a desired body image that is close to his ideal, and once he is done, he has no more use for that body image.

Now aside from the relationship aspect, his wholeness becomes an issue. Through wasting so many hours picking up big heavy things, and putting them back down again, he has lost valuable time to learn, expand his mind, foster varied hobbies and interests not related to his body Dysmorphic disorder. Most importantly, he looses out on valuable time necessary to get to know another person and to get to know them.

Just imagine what you can do with your life, if you had an extra month.....Every Year??

Are You Trying To Live The Gay TV Show?

It seems that there are so many males trying to live the marketed 'gay' lifestyle depicted by television shows, movies or images on the internet, that they confuse fiction with their own reality.

For example:
Most 'gay' males have never actually been on an actual date with another male, that did not start or end with sex, and if there was no sex, there was no second date.

He hasn't actually had sex with the masculine male with the body image he sees on TV and on the Internet, twice.

He doesn't know of anyone 'personally' who is in a generic 'relationship' that lasts longer than 1 year.

He doesn't know anyone 'personally' who are in a stable and monogamous relationship for over 3 years.

He doesn't know of anyone 'personally' who does consider 'porn' (DVD/Internet) necessary in his life.

He doesn't know of anyone 'personally' that bought a home together where both are living together for over 5 years.

He doesn't know of anyone 'personally' that adopted a child together, who are together for longer than 2 years.

He doesn't know of anyone 'personally' who was asked by another male to marry him.

He doesn't know of anyone 'personally' who had a same sex wedding.

He doesn't know of anyone 'personally' who owns a successful business with his partner for over 3 years.

He doesn't know of anyone 'personally' who is with another male where one tries to conform to a more female role.

He doesn't know of anyone 'personally' who is a relationship, and the attraction is not primarily on his masculinity or muscular body.

So how many on the list were true for you?
Now just maybe this reality check might help you understand why you are having such a difficult time trying to live a gay lifestyle.

Simulating a relationship based on an exaggerated obsession with masculinity and body image, no matter how much you try to justify it or pretend it does not exist, does not change the ultimate outcome.

Until you recognize and balance your biological duality of gender as both male and female or a bisexual male, you can watch as many TV shows, movies, videos, and forever seek the 'make believe' gay lifestyle that will always be one marketing campaign away.

Rejecting your male aspect and letting your female aspect take over, only sets you up for rejection and failure in your friendship and relationship attempts. Trying to rejecting your female aspect only leads you to emotional shut down and internal conflict because your female aspect will express herself, one way or another.

Your life is not a TV show or a cause....it's your life, and the only one you get.

Friendships....the challenge

The biggest challenge with many Biologically Intersex/bisexual males is building and maintaining lasting friendships.

It seems that intersex males put so many 'restrictions' on friends based on gender, body image and masculinity, that they don't even fit their own criteria for what they are looking for in a 'friend'.

Much of this confusion comes in with the male not recognizing his duality of gender. His female side wants masculine males, his male side wants a body image he admires.

But behind those masculinity and body image requirements of a friend, there most always is an underlying desire and hope that this new 'friend' will turn out to be 'the one' and they will live happily ever after. Or at least want to have sex with him at some point.

And unfortunately, those intersex males who out of desperation for companionship, have lowered or lost most of their self respect, and feel they must offer themselves for sex to obtain 'friends'.

But they soon realize that no one wants a person in their life, especially someone they would call a friend, that they do not respect, or who does nothing to earn their respect as a friend.

So between the requirements of both aspects of his gender, the only males left are those that may meet the extreme of only one aspect of his duality.

He either seeks friendships with intersex males more masculine or mentally stronger than himself that his female aspect is sexually attracted to.

Or he seeks friendships with intersex males more physically muscular than himself, who's body image his male aspect 'admires' and wants as his own.

But what most intersex males loose sight of based on the often times obsession with finding a friend, and mate, he forgets to think about 'why' anyone would want to be his friend or mate for the long term.

What is forgotten and in most cases, not even communicated, and that's common interests. Most intersex males actually think that sex and sexuality is a common interest...but it's not. It's only a pathway to sexual activity.

Many intersex males have spent so much time chasing after the masculinity and body image of other males, working out for hours daily in gyms, they set aside time to actually obtain basic hobbies, skills and abilities that make them a whole person.

Just because you both like to eat, watch TV go to the movies, smoke weed and have sex and another intersex male does the same thing, does not mean there is any interest in you as a person.

It just means that he is hungry, bored and want to smoke weed and have sex to get away from his life, just as you do.

The internet is a good way to chat with strangers, but it's not good way to build friendships for the real world. People connect in the real world do to a chemistry and connection, but the internet only sets up unrealistic expectations which are exaggerated in the mind...so the real world experience is almost always a let down.

So maybe before continuing your search for a 'friend', you might want to do a personal inventory and ask yourself, why anyone would want to be around you long term. Ask yourself, would you really want to be around you if you had a choice?

So pick up a book, learn something new every day. Don't be afraid to try different things and expand your mind, join a non-sex based group or a club of interest. You just might be surprised at what you are good at, or what you find interesting to you.

You just might meet that one person, with common interests, while you are out participating in that interest.

Remember, the actions you take are 'aways' a choice.

10 Day Sex Detox Challenge....

Time and time again, when I ask someone who is looking for sex with another male, his primary reason is that he was bored.

But for most Intersex males, his obsession for more masculine males and obsession for other male body images he wished was is own, is exaggerated by HABIT.

People create habits for many of their actions, and being unaware of the very simple habit forming process it's easy to think 'it's just me', or 'it is what it is', or 'it's what I have always done', or 'so what?'.

Habits that start out a complete 'choice' like smoking, drinking, or looking at male porn you purchase or on line, buying male exercise magazines, spending hours on line every day at gay sex sites looking at a never ending stream of free male porn.

Habits are easy to start and can be very difficult to break. Why? Not only do you begin to feel it's 'who you are', but the 'Pavlov's Dog' concept comes into play, where there is a reward of pleasure attached to the habitual action that keeps you coming back.

You don't come back for the initial action, but for the pleasure, whether it's:
- The high from smoking whatever it is you smoke: No one likes the toxic smoke that gets in their clothes, hair, skin, lungs or even the ridicule and rejection from society, but to them the pleasure is worth it.

- The relaxation from drinking whatever you choose to drink: It takes quite a bit of convincing ourselves that the toxic liquids taste good, with most needing to mix with other strong flavors, just so we can drink them. But even the ridicule and rejection from society is not as powerful as the outcome of pleasure which overshadows societies ridicule.

- The masturbating to naked male body's or body parts you wished were your own: Once the intersex male starts to masturbate and orgasm to body images of male body's and body parts, his sexual intense pleasure of orgasm becomes attached to those male images. No matter how much social reticule or rejection from our society there is, it's never going to be as powerful as the sexual pleasure he receives from orgasm.


For a majority of the males who feel obsessed with the more masculine or more muscular body image of another male, is that he is just proving the basic Pavlov's dog experiment, over and over again.

The Study:
Recently 12 Intersex males took part in a very simple and voluntary 10 day study, to validate the Pavlov's Dog theory as it relates to their obsession with sexual activity with a more masculine male or more muscular body image.

1. The males were asked Stop watching any type of pornographic material, whether it's a DVD, on line or pornographic pictures on your PC. Put them out of sight.

2. No masturbating for the 10 day period.

3. Log off of gay and straight sex websites for the duration of the study. Clear out your browser history, etc.

4. Remove the pictures of naked male bodies from the walls of your room, home, apartment and from your PC backgrounds and screen savers.

5. Stay away from the gym which feeds into his body image obsession.

6. Put away and do not read or look at any fitness, weight lifting or body building magazines.

7. Take a 10 day break from your sex buddies, plan on spending time alone, with other friends or meeting new non-gay people.

8. Stay away from gay clubs, bars and hangouts.

9. Put away your dance club music for the duration of the study.

10. Check your appearance to see if you have altered it to ''fit in' with your 'gay' friends or the stereotype (multi color hair, earnings, makeup, alternate clothing).


The results from the 10 day study are as follows:

- 10 of the 12 males found that their previous focus on sex and porn and trying to live a 'gay' lifestyle, took alot of effort.

- By not spending so much time living with gay porn in so many ways, the 10 day study was like a detox.

- While not masturbating was difficult for the first 3 days, after that it was not really something they thought about.

- They were forced to really think about and participate in other interests they never had time for, not related to sex and the gay lifestyle.

- Many of the males struggled to find something else to do with their time, since porn, masturbation and sexual activity was what they did when they got bored.

- A few met other people, where they did not know if the person was 'gay' or not, but because they had the same non-sexual interest.

- They started to think about the idea of relationships with other males or females, actually not being based on sexual activity.

- They started to feel much better about themselves, more optimistic about life and their future

However, two didn't make it through the study, as they did not have the strength fight their own sex addiction to porn, and dropped out of the study after only 3 days.

The Conclusion:
What this study tells us is that just because a male is born with a level of the Intersex condition,
that does not mean he must be obsessed with sex and sexuality. It proves that the Pavlov's Dog theory of habit and reward, is playing itself out in a very definite way in the lives of many Intersex males, who feel little control over their 'obsession' and 'strong' sexual attraction to males who are more masculine or who has a muscular body or body parts he wishes he had for himself. And they are only doing it to themselves.

So here is your challenge. Try the experiment on your own for 10 days. Now, anyone should be able to follow the 10 restrictions avoiding porn in all forms and not masturbating for only 10 days.

A suggestion is to keep a diary of your experiences, so you can see how important sex and sexual activity is for you and your 'identity' now, and how you feel in only 10 days.

Give it a try. Let Tomorrow Be Day 1

Have You Been Bullied Into Being Gay?

It is not surprising that many of the males who contact me, state that much of the reason they bought into the gay lifestyle, and remain in the 'lifestyle', was because of their friends.

When you become adults, you might think that bulling that usually occurs in adolescence would have ended. But that's far from the truth, especially when it comes to something as personal as a person's identity.

In adolescents along with adulthood, if a person is not confident in themselves in aspects that impact him from a personal level, he will become susceptible to bulling in many ways.

This is why it is so easy for friends/acquaintances and others to bully so many younger and older males into the same 'gay' lifestyle that their friends have chosen for themselves.

And when you don't agree with their lifestyle choice, or you know it's not for you, you get attacked! It's as of you did something to them and they really go after you.

Common attacks are:

- You are just ashamed of who you are!

- You are just afraid to admit who you are!

- You are just lying to yourself!

- You are no better than we are!!!!!!

Anyone that understands the signs of verbal abuse will see that these 'friends' are only trying to break the person down, so they submit to their way of thinking or lifestyle. No matter what the risk to the individual may be.

But why is this happening?
Well, think about it. If you made conscious choices in your life that are greatly rejected by your family and your society, wouldn't you try to pull as many people on your side as possible? And if you know at some level that your 'choices' are not positive ones even for yourself, isn't it more comforting when other people are doing the exact came thing.

This way you are more free to continue that same 'chosen' behavior, because there is no one in your circle that will judge your behavior? Similar to why people don't like to drink alone, or do drugs alone, or kids don't like to act out alone...they need the validation of others 'like' them.

Is it a gang mentality?
It's really very much like gang mentality. Once you are in, you become the enemy if you want to get out. Guys that reject the idea of 'being' gay often times have to start over with a new set of friends. This is because once 'being' gay is not a focus, he really has little to nothing in common with his 'gay' friends.

When he thinks about it, all they did was have 'gay' discussions about why the rest of our society is wrong for not accepting the gay lifestyle, their dream long term relationship, talk negatively about other gay people, about other people they think are gay, and talk about sex and masturbate with each other or other people. That's pretty much it.

So many males want to get out of the gay group, but stay in due to fear and loosing the only friends/acquaintances he has. Because just about all his friends and acquaintances are in his life, because he belonged to the gay group and based on sexual desire and sexual activity.

Most of the guys I talked to that just had enough and wanted their life back, had to distance themselves from 'friends' and acquaintances who were committed to the gay group, who were focused on doing anything they can to hold them in the group.

Misery loves company
Much of the retaliation came in the form of spreading roomers about him to other gay people and any 'straight' people that he may know, to trying to 'out' him in public, in an attempt to scare him back into the gay group.

A lot of the guys stated that they ended up moving to other parts of the city or even other states to distance themselves from those individuals, and to have an opportunity to renew their life.

So much time and effort targeted at someone only because they choose the same lifestyle choice. But the reality is that the resentment is due to the other male having life possibilities that many committed to the gay group do not.

- The ability to earn respect from our society.

- No longer fearing judgment for his overt and promiscuous sexual activity.

- The greater potential for a lasting relationship or even marriage.

- The potential for a family.

So it's understandable why those committed to 'being' gay may feel rejected by anyone who does not want to belong to the gay groups.

Have you tried to escape from the gay group? What's been your experience?