Friendships....the challenge

The biggest challenge with many Biologically Intersex/bisexual males is building and maintaining lasting friendships.

It seems that intersex males put so many 'restrictions' on friends based on gender, body image and masculinity, that they don't even fit their own criteria for what they are looking for in a 'friend'.

Much of this confusion comes in with the male not recognizing his duality of gender. His female side wants masculine males, his male side wants a body image he admires.

But behind those masculinity and body image requirements of a friend, there most always is an underlying desire and hope that this new 'friend' will turn out to be 'the one' and they will live happily ever after. Or at least want to have sex with him at some point.

And unfortunately, those intersex males who out of desperation for companionship, have lowered or lost most of their self respect, and feel they must offer themselves for sex to obtain 'friends'.

But they soon realize that no one wants a person in their life, especially someone they would call a friend, that they do not respect, or who does nothing to earn their respect as a friend.

So between the requirements of both aspects of his gender, the only males left are those that may meet the extreme of only one aspect of his duality.

He either seeks friendships with intersex males more masculine or mentally stronger than himself that his female aspect is sexually attracted to.

Or he seeks friendships with intersex males more physically muscular than himself, who's body image his male aspect 'admires' and wants as his own.

But what most intersex males loose sight of based on the often times obsession with finding a friend, and mate, he forgets to think about 'why' anyone would want to be his friend or mate for the long term.

What is forgotten and in most cases, not even communicated, and that's common interests. Most intersex males actually think that sex and sexuality is a common interest...but it's not. It's only a pathway to sexual activity.

Many intersex males have spent so much time chasing after the masculinity and body image of other males, working out for hours daily in gyms, they set aside time to actually obtain basic hobbies, skills and abilities that make them a whole person.

Just because you both like to eat, watch TV go to the movies, smoke weed and have sex and another intersex male does the same thing, does not mean there is any interest in you as a person.

It just means that he is hungry, bored and want to smoke weed and have sex to get away from his life, just as you do.

The internet is a good way to chat with strangers, but it's not good way to build friendships for the real world. People connect in the real world do to a chemistry and connection, but the internet only sets up unrealistic expectations which are exaggerated in the mind...so the real world experience is almost always a let down.

So maybe before continuing your search for a 'friend', you might want to do a personal inventory and ask yourself, why anyone would want to be around you long term. Ask yourself, would you really want to be around you if you had a choice?

So pick up a book, learn something new every day. Don't be afraid to try different things and expand your mind, join a non-sex based group or a club of interest. You just might be surprised at what you are good at, or what you find interesting to you.

You just might meet that one person, with common interests, while you are out participating in that interest.

Remember, the actions you take are 'aways' a choice.