Looking for a R when he really needs a F

It's not what you think. R is for Relationship and F is from Friendship.

What seems to be the cause of so many failed relationship attempts between two biologically bisexual/gay males, is the almost desperate attempt at creating the 'idea' of a relationship, before they even have a basic friendship.

Most bisexual males feel that they have started a 'relationship' once they have had sex with each other and communicate once more after sex. This is normally when one of the two starts the questions about 'where is this going?', and 'are you seeing other people?', but forgetting only 72 hours have passed since they first met. Internet chat does not count.

But this obsession with obtaining a 'relationship' with another male, is exactly what keeps him from ever finding his life partner.

To understand how to reach any goal, you must understand why you failed along the way, learn from your mistakes, and correct your behavior.

So let's talk about a few of the pitfalls:

1. Promiscuity: If you think that it's OK to be promiscuous 'until' you meet Mr. Right, you are wrong. Your sexual behavior before you meet the person you are interested in, is often times what has you rejected by that same person.

No one wants a whore in their life or will feel proud to introduce a whore to his friends who may have already had sex with this person. You will only be temporary while he continues to search for someone he can feel proud to have by his side.

2. Desperation: The more desperate you are to be in a 'relationship' the less the person you are interested in, will want to be with you even as a friend. If you continue to compromise who you are to fit the mold of who you 'think' the other male wants in his life, then you only become a shell, and of little interest to the other male.

3. Body Image: If your 'attraction' to the other male is based on a body image you wished was your own, or a level of masculinity far greater than your own, you are only setting yourself up for failure.

Even if you 'abnormally' build your body to attract another abnormally muscular male, his obsession with his own body image, will keep him looking for another male more muscular and masculine than himself. You may be used for sex when he is horny or lonely once or twice, but he will reject you so that he may continue his search for his own more masculine and more muscular male.

However, he will expect you to maintain the basic masculine and muscular form of a male, since a male is what his female aspect is attracted to.

4. Character: Who you are as a person is all you have to offer a person long term. If who you are does not earn the respect and admiration of the other male, then there will be no reason for him to be with you long term.

Being a whole person, having your own thoughts, ideas, hobbies, expanding your mind to learn and grow yourself is what is what maintains mental stimulation between you and any other person. But if you put little focus on who you are, and are bored with your life, don't expect another person to want to stick around so they can be bored with you.

5. Being Gay: The concept and stereotype behaviors and lifestyle tied to belonging to the gay group is what ends so many friendships and relationships before they ever get started. When you must be OK with promiscuity, even if you choose not to be promiscuous as 'other' people, but you condone the behavior, it becomes part of your life, or the life of the person you thought you were attracted to.

The whole 'non judgment' concept tied to sexual behavior and the attempt to 'be' gay through sexual activity backfires on them, because consistently, by not condemning the promiscuous behavior or being OK with having sex with someone else's friend, boyfriend or partner, only ensures that the same thing will happen to him when he tries to maintain a friend, boyfriend or partner.

Also his attempt to obtain an 'identity' based on particular gay approved actions and outward appearance, only keeps those males in a very small pool to feel off each other as they are rejected by anyone who does not choose that 'identity'.

6. Friendship: This is the most important aspect, and the one component that so many bisexual males fail to establish or are unable to establish. Friendships take time to develop. Many males confuse friendships with acquaintances or with networking. Just because you know a person's name or have talked with him a few times, or have chatted on the web with him, does not make you his friend.

However, establishing a trusting, respectful and lasting friendship is the only process that puts you on the road to a potential relationship, that may lead to a life partner. This doesn't happen in days or a week or week, but in most cases, it takes months or even years to establish solid friendships that will last. Trying to create 'relationships' out of simulated friendships will only fail and also end your opportunity to continue to build that friendship.

Also, by introducing sex early on into the 'acquaintance', you only eliminate the desire for the other male to even want to learn more about you, as you have exposed yourself as an 'outlet' for him, more than a friend. Because he knows that many other guys have come before him, and many more will follow, if you are willing to have sex with him so soon. So he continues his search for someone he can 'admire'.

Bisexual males forget that this is how females attract and maintain males as mates long term. However those females who offer sex openly, are those in the same situation as the bisexual males doing the same thing. If he does not admire you for your character, who you are as a person, there is no reason to be with you. Isn't that why you want him as your mate??

So maybe it's time to give yourself a chance. Time to stop creating roadblocks for yourself and begin to move forward in your live goals. Learn to be all the characteristics of the male you want in your life, so that you can naturally attract him into your life. Have a focus on the long term and ask yourself, why would someone want to be with me long term. Ask yourself, why would anyone want to be your friend. If you can answer that honestly, then must maybe you have a chance.

What are your thoughts and ideas about this posting?